Some times, I really do hate myself....

I guess, all I need is just to find a place for me to voice out my unhappiness. Seriously, sometimes I really do feel that god is really unfair to me, and perhaps, to many of us here. I'm wondering, why didn't god bless me with not flawless, but at least a better skin complexion? :(

Its like, sometimes when I'm strolling on the streets, I really DO envy those people with nice complexion, and I would be feeling emotional, blaming myself on not taking good care of my skin when I was young. :(

Since puberty, I have been having pimples, acne, blemishes and what ever you can name of. No matter how hard I try, how much skincare I pampered my skin, how I watch my diet, its still the same! Though now things might have gotten better, but it leaves me with those unwanted scars!

I still remembered that when I was in my Secondary School (High School) life, those schoolmates of mine always tease me, and giving me names like "Pockmarks", "pimply face", "volcano" etc and those hurtful names that you might have heard before! Okay, guys, listen up, it hurts alright?! It hurts me so much that you guys make me lose all my confidence and self esteem back them! Your words might mean nothing, but, this really hurts me a lot, real lot!

Okay, after my school life, things started to get better, and I finally went to see a specialist for my complexion late last year. Yes, and indeed, things really gets better. My acne were no longer there, my skin clears up a lot, and my blemishes are not that much anymore! But, in exchange for that, I lost real lots of hairs after eating those proscribed medicines by the doctor! :'(

I really suffered a lot for the whole 3 months, and you can even see tons of my hair in my bedroom! It was real scary and finally, my doctor told me that I can no longer relay on those medicines anymore as my complexion was getting better than before! (Imagine how relief and happy when I heard this? :) I really feel more confident than before, especially when my friends told me that my complexion is getting better!)

But good things doesn't last, months after I completed my treatment, my acne came back again! You see, I've been doing the same routine as what I had done during my treatments, I control my food intake, I've been drinking more than enough water everyday, but still? Sigh! I can't possibly relay on those medicines forever! I think that I might need to make a trip down to the clinic soon! :( 

Those were the days.. :'(

♥ Michelle N. 한국어 ♥